“I Do This For My Culture”
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You know how every now and then I’ll drop some random personal rambling quasi-motivational posts on ya’ll? This is one of them. Was try’na wait til the end of the month, you know, bring in the last quarter with a bang. But sometimes my thoughts take over, and I’m learning slowly how to get out of my way, so bear with me for a few. Cool?
I dig that the meat and potatoes aspect of the Daily Mathematics is how I bust down them stories from my experiences as an attorney in the music industry. Them days is irreplaceable. I guess what I don’t get into is how me personally, on the daily grind from like 1989 to 2004 got burned the eff out. I came in the game when Hip Hop was still being looked at and tested as a fad in the music business. Kinda like that Reggaeton thing a coupla years back. Money was being made, but it was still mom and pop level for the most part. Riding that fad from nickel and dime to multi-billion dollar industry, living, riding, fighting, loving, hating all that for all them years while at the same time fighting myself to maintain self, word, dignity, integrity and family most definitely took its toll. By mid 2003, the writing was on the wall, I knew I was burnt, and unlike most of my peers who didn’t put in as much years as I had, or were still jaded by the flashing lights, or my few homies that was still fortunate to be doing it big, keeping that money raining in like it would never end, I took a leap of faith. I had bigger dreams for myself, and haunted by those dreams, they would not allow me to live the life I had been living without going all out to make them a reality. Not knowing how to do anything else but lawyering, I threw caution to the wind and closed up shop on New Year’s eve. No plans, no net, no nothing, just the freedom of walking away from something I spent a long time building. I ended the lease with the office building I was renting from, ended my partnership with the lawyers I was working with and parted ways with the last of my paying clients. I emptied the proverbial gasoline can, lit the match and burned the bridge down in flames.
Waking up January 1st, 2004, I was like “what the fuck did you just do homie?!? No office to go to, no income coming in, three kids and a wife. “The fuck?!?” Even though I had the balls to silence all the noise and go with gut, follow instinct, dude was kinda shook. I waited a coupla days before I started doing what came natural to me, what we have all been trained to do. I drafted my 1st resume in years and hit the pavement looking for that j-o-b. Them interviews, alotta them was straight demeaning B. I’d walk into them lilly white corporate offices and them interviewers was straight baffled. Cornell, check. Georgetown Law, check. Def Jam, check. Repped countless rap, r&b and pop stars…. how exactly does this fall into the job description? I felt a lotta times that as much as I put into the game, it meant nothing to those I was interviewing with. See, I’ve always loved entertainment, that thing of music, film, televison, magazines, video games, comic books, radio, literature, that image and reality creating thing always had a potent needle stuck in my junkie vein, so I knew I had to stay close to my love. But no jobs were coming. I was either over or under qualified. It worked out that I landed a book deal, money from nothing materialized into my bank account so I could explore writing, take a brief break from all them years I broke my back for others willing to go all out to achieve their own dreams. FUCK IT. It was my time now. “I’ma chase my own goddamned dreams.” I owe my clients for helping me realize that it was more than possible to make the impossible happen. But them kids and wifey kept reminding me that I needed to keep food on the table, a roof over our heads.
Televison was the next logical step to me, and I knew a gang of cats at MTV. Spent a full year and half trying to land a gig up in that big house. But I landed a great spot eventually. VP position. Great salary, GREAT. Plus benefits. VMA’s in Miami was a blast. Met some cool folk over there too at 1515. Still, there was one effin problem I couldn’t get around. MTV. You think I keep music biz stories? The fuckery that goes on in that building is on some next level shit. Unfortunately, you’ll most likely never hear them stories from me. By the time I left the building, realizing what a sham my job and role was up in Viacom, and after the legal guns came out, well let’s just say that the past couple of sentences ya’ll just read was probably more than I’m now legally allowed to say about that institution. I’ma let this last thing fly though, personally, a Black man has no place to walk in that building with dignity, a sense of self and a purpose for making great, thought provoking, non-stereotypical content that’s entertaining for all. Damn, I said it.
January of this year, I decided to follow instinct again. Eff a job. And not like I have it like that, TRUST. But I couldnt bring myself to do it, jump through hoops and play the game. And please understand, to all you 9-5vers out here playing the game, I applaud you. You already know what it is and you have that much more self mastery than me to keep getting outta them while they think they’re getting it outta you. Salutes. Responsibility is a hard pill to swallow and I respect you all. Corporate America was done with the kid, and I stayed outside the building with both middle fingers up Tupac style. Maybe it’s the indignant Hatian in me, too short sighted to keep playing. If you check the right history books, you’ll see how them cot damn Hatians was too impatient to eff with slavery, so it’s probably in the genes. Or maybe I’m just stupid like that.
I gave myself a year. A year to bring you the Daily Mathematics. And I hear ya’ll in the back snickering about how it ain’t always been daily. Harr-dee-harrr. I guess I eff’d up with that Daily thingie. But still, instinct told me to give me, give the Daily Math, give ya’ll a year. My experiences, my thoughts, my opinions, my loves, my hates, my crew, my beefs, me. Because of the wall that I purposely put against my back, I had no time but to bring nothing but honesty, passion, integrity, me.
And ya’ll fucked with a nigga.
In a good way.
You muh fuckers get me so effin amped to do this this shit, so much so that I would do it for free. Uhm, I do do it for free. But isn’t that what a dream is supposed to be? Do what the fuck comes outta you [||] so well that money isn’t necessarily the end goal? Do what drives you? Give to the world what you and only you can deliver so uniquely? You all have helped me find my voice, ya’ll joke me out so bad when I get lazy, encourage me to keep coming back with more and more. And I do. And for that, I thank all you muh fuckers that fuck with a nigga. That ride with the Daily Math. I see ya’ll. And I ride with ya’ll as well. Thank you.
Now all this emotional shit don’t mean I’m going anywhere. Eff that, ya’ll bitches is stuck with me until the blasted wheels fall off.
I got the call last week. Was told that they liked how a nigga moved when a nigga was in a roaster. Heh. Plans are being made so that I’ma have a different, additional platform to do what I do. On a national and international level. More channels for the god to lick ah shot from. Yeah, I said that. I’m so fucking geeked right now, but I’m maintaining cool. Never let ya’ll see me sweat, or jump out the window. But if what they said in that call is what they said it is, if the powers that be allow me to spit on THAT level, than it goes further in proving to me that all we have is our dreams. And we all owe it to ourselves and each other to make them dreams real.
I’ma still need ya’ll to keep me in check though, lemme know if that ego don’t swerve me way out of my lane. I see what you say, here in the comments section, over at Eskay an’ ems comments site, and anywhere else ya’ll feel fit to mention Combat Jack. Even when ya’ll keep it extra EXTRA 100, please believe I take all of that into consideration. I prefer all them comments over a boss breathing down my neck, bitching me out about the bottom line or on some office protocol shit. So please keep letting me know how ya’ll feel, all of ya’ll.
One final thing. I’ve said this before and I’ma say it again. One of my reasons for doing this is for self, no doubt, but I really want ya’ll to believe in the power of your dreams. That shit is REAL B. I need to see ya’ll live them shits out. I need that. To my Internets crew, you cats that’s frontline on this new frontier, pushing the limits and inspiring me to do what we do, thank you. To my readers that’s survivors of Cancer and what not, and you know who I’m talking to, thank you for sharing them dreams. To you big dog mentors who’ve been living them dreams on big stages for decades now, inspiring cats like me to follow, thank you. To my vets coming home, or soldiers on the front lines, thank you. To my cats that went from getting the heat cut off to now living in mansions and what not, and you know who you are, thank you. To you cats that spent them years locked up in the box and is now making money legally, way more than what you ever thought possible, thank you for sharing those dreams B. To ya’ll fighting within the educational, social, medical, scientific, publishing, entertainment, sports, poltitical and plus arenas, not willing to concede that the bullshit they’re feeding you is the end all be all of realites, thank you for sharing them dreams. To them folk that wake up on the daily feeling like life is too heavy, that ya’ll can’t get outta bed, that it’s too cold in the “D”, but still manage to pull them covers off, thank you for getting up. We all got them dreams, and we need each other to have our backs to make sure them dreams validate why we’re here.
It’s about to go down ya’ll. I’m claming that now. When shit gets tighter and I see how solid the plans are, I’m a share with ya’ll the whats, wheres, hows and whys as it transpires. In the meantime though, please continue fucking with a nigga.
The other side is really not going to like us now.
BLAOW!
Props… stayin’ tuned to see what’s up next… stay bodyin’ that latte
-D!
Thank you too for sharing with niggas. I hope whatever is that you have up next is more successful than anything you’ve done before, except have a family of course. Even though we bitch, we appreciate you too my nigga. Stay up.
Too much 1804 in you
You are inspiring keep up that good work Best website on the internets!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
^ 1804 – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Haitian_Revolution
yo amazin my dude…def inspiring
I feel you 100% my dude. In 2002, I left a paralegal job to finish up my BA. In 2004, I walked away from 40K at UPS to pursue a PhD. Now that I almost got it I feel like the sh*t wasn’t worth it. Hip-hop is where my heart is. So now I’m going through the paces with the dissertation, but I feel best about the laptop money I scammed from Cornell. That money is going to buy me a Mac and a copy of Pro Tools. I’m trying to make my dreams happen. Keep trying with yours.
Another great post. Can’t wait to hear more stories! Keep up the good work dude.
your doing a great service to the community. You can rest assured that there is one less person who believes that people of higher social status don’t care or can’t relate to the brothers and sisters srruggling socially., economically and educational wise. Thank you my brother. ” A leader amongst men”.
glad u realize it.
I went out and ordered “Now The Hell Will Start” immediately after reading your review. I appreciated that. And even tho it was more a historical account of the road than it was a tale about the man’s jungle adventures, it was a story i never would’ve come across (or recommend to others) if not for your sharing.
Please put us on to more literature. Too many damn books sometimes its hard to find the right ones….
respect.
We’ll forgive the not-dailyness for the price of one good MTV story.
–OG Matt Herbz–
Word??? its like that? next level shit?
Get yours my brother!!
and like my man up top said all will be forgivin, if you just drop 1 little MTV story!!
Do what you do!!!
inspiring blog my dude. been checking the blog on the reg since the beginning and will continue to do so. good luck in your new venture and hope it proves to be fruitful to ya.
Yo CJ, u almost made me break a tear reading this piece. Ha. But on the real, I gotta say aside from the various goodies you’ve brought us in the form of past industry stories, this piece was right up there with em. Carpe diem my man, carpe diem. Like you’ve said it, that shit IS REAL. Too many of us get caught up in the daily grind, the responsibilities that come with it and whatnot. Myself included. But sometimes we gotta get in the zone and analyze where we’ve been, where we’re at, where we think we’re heading, and most importantly where we wanna go. And if where u think you’re heading don’t match where u wanna get to, then u can either be content with it or u can seize that eff’n day and make shit happen so u can get back on the track u wanna be on. To me this piece was one of those switches u get in the daily life that makes u stop, and reflect on all of that. So props for that, CJ. Keep comin’ with that heat and let me incorporate one of my favorite quotes by Teddy Roosevelt:
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face in marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”
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yes jack !
feet to the ground, head to the sky
May our father in haven bless us all, for the roads we take might be up hill, long and narrow with pot hoes even. But if it was a staight path, would we not have reason to give thanks. Big Brother CJ keep keepin on…
@kal great Teddy Roosevelt quote!
@heLLobrOOklyn
you know what it is, there can never be too much 1804 in you. I think I should work on piece title 1804! for real.
—– CJ,
As I read this cool, inspiring post in my open-area cubicle thinking about the job I didn’t get, thinking about having a better life, better health, etc. I am reminded that my time, my day will come. Just as long as I don’t lose sight and continue to work and revise my plan.
CJ, I just saw this documentary film you may be interested in title “the Universe of Keith Haring” (2007)
you know i’m a supporter of your actions and movement. keep up the inspiration and you got fam in california. thanks for the indirect mentorship and daily math!
do it…
Honestly, Daily Math is one of the spots on the web that continues to inspire me to keep grinding away. I’m not really where I wanna be with it yet, but I’m gonna keep plodding at it till I get there.
Congrats on your new venture & I know if you’re involved, it’s gonna be worth checking for.
Enough brown nosing, lol, I’m out…
When is the ‘official’ announcement?
“MTV. You think I keep music biz stories? The fuckery that goes on in that building is on some next level shit. Unfortunately, you’ll most likely never hear them stories from me. By the time I left the building, realizing what a sham my job and role was up in Viacom, and after the legal guns came out, well let’s just say that the past couple of sentences ya’ll just read was probably more than I’m now legally allowed to say about that institution. I’ma let this last thing fly though, personally, a Black man has no place to walk in that building with dignity, a sense of self and a purpose for making great, thought provoking, non-stereotypical content that’s entertaining for all. Damn, I said it.”
Preach. I worked at MTV for 6.5 years. Babylon incarnate. I actually always felt worse walking out of the building, especially seeing all the teens outside trying to get a peek at their favorite celebrity or whatnot.
Good move on staying silent. No one wants to be on the opposite end of the Viacom legal team. Ever.
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Nice read.